Scarlet Whisper Pulls a Hermione Granger

Now, I know you’re not going to believe this, but…sometimes I’m a know-it-all pompous buttocks.

Yeah, it’s a stretch to imagine that. Really.

Sometimes, in the face of ridiculous ignorance, I run into a telephone booth, rip off my International Jewel Thief catsuit, don my wizard robes, and emerge as…

Hermione Granger.

I can’t help it. When people spout off hokum, what’s a librarian going to do?

For example, last week, I’m talking to somebody and the subject of magical realism comes up. Somebody mentions somebody else would probably like a certain middle grade magician story because this someone is a fan of  “magical realism.”

Ahem. Cough, Cough.

I pull a sorting hat (sans rabbit) out of my…(well, you don’t need a visual, do you?) and suddenly a torrent of Hermione speak is pouring from my lips.

“Well, that’s not really what she meant. Magical realism isn’t really about magic tricks or just stories with magical elements, like…erm, Harry Potter. Think Isabel Allende or Gabriel Garcia Marquez . Magic realism refers to a literary style when ordinary circumstances become transcendent through…”

His eyes glaze over.

“Oh, just go read Love in the Time of Cholera.”

He squints. I cannot tell whether he is angry, resentful, or confused.

“Never mind. Sounds like a great idea.”

He shuffles away, repelled by my high falutin’ airs.

And Hermione evaporates;  her spirit banished until feeble-minded assertions summon her again.

Or until someone sends me a forwarded e-mail about Nokia giving away free laptops.

Now if I could just get Hermione to show up when I really need her; like when I’m looking for the right exit for Northpark mall, or I’m trying to learn the rules to @ALeeMartinez ‘s new board game.

Dear ones, is it just me? Do you ever get a little overzealous when speaking out? Have you ever been thrown out of Starbucks for chastising the Barista about the origin of “Venti”? (Never mind–Forget I asked).

Still hungry?

If you’re looking for a great article on Magical Realism, check this one out.

If you’re looking for a great recipe for Hermione’s Humble Pie,  look no further. It’s easy, and is made from the humblest of ingredients.

Hermione’s Humble Pie

1 9-inch (unbaked) pie shell

3 eggs

2 cups sugar

2 Tbsp. flour

1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup reg. milk w/ 1 Tbsp. lemon juice added)

1 stick butter, melted

1 tsp. vanilla

nutmeg

Beat the eggs. Add the flour and sugar. Add, buttermilk, melted butter and vanilla. Pour into pie shell and sprinkle with nutmeg. Bake for 10 minutes at 450 degrees. Lower temperature to 350 degrees and bake for forty five more minutes. Cool to taste. Refrigerate leftovers (if there are any).

Binge!